5 Lessons I Learnt From My Intuition, and 5 Times It Changed My Life
I am not someone who trusted her own authority. I spent so much of my life trying to do the right thing, make the best decisions, and guarantee the best outcomes. I was afraid of making the wrong choice. Afraid of things not working out. Afraid of failing. Afraid of disappointing. Afraid of hurting. Afraid of missing out. Afraid of going too far.
So all the while, I looked for external guidance and wisdom, sought permission and approval from others, and agonised over my choices and decisions. It was a fretful, fearful, unfulfilling way of living. And sometimes things worked out, but other times I knew I had missed out on something great or sabotaged my own best life.
My fears and doubts and all the what-ifs would constantly assail me and keep me prisoner in my head and my comfort zone. I lived a great life by many standards, but I was missing out on all the adventure, passion, freedom and fulfilment that I was craving in my relationships, my work, my self-expression and even my physical body.
Some years ago, this started to change. Worry started to be replaced by noticing that ‘magical’ things were happening – things were working out unexpectedly in wonderful ways! Fear gave way to curiosity. And control started to give way to an openness to learn and apply. And it started to feel easy to go beyond my comfort zone. Even to make decisions in the face of uncertainty.
The one thing that changed it all, was a realisation that I had all the answers inside me. Within me, I had the power, the wisdom and the security that I had been seeking, and one thing connected me to it: My intuition.
But, I didn’t apply my intuition overnight. It wasn’t easy to turn to my intuition when I had been used to turning to men, women, data and information. We have been taught how to manage our selves and control our environment and build good, proper lives; we haven’t been taught how to go beyond information, control and appearances to a wider form of ‘seeing’ and engaging with the world and create extraordinary outcomes. It brings up all our fears to let go of what we know and embrace the uncertainty of something as intangible as the ‘whisper of our intuition’.
But, increasingly, I learnt to let go of my fears and doubts and all the what-ifs. I learnt to access this ever-present and always supportive inner wisdom, and allowed myself the the courage to follow it.
And the more I began to live by intuition, the more my life changed. In big ways and small. I landed work with an organisation that would change my life. I met the man that I would eventually marry. I found my calling, and the path kept magically unfolding in front of me. I even got married just days before the pandemic shut down the world. All because an inner ‘voice’, a ‘knowing’, a series of ‘maps’ and decisions guided me there.
Our intuition works in mysterious ways. Contrary to what perhaps our rational minds might think, it is possible to train ourselves to access our intuition ‘on demand’, in any situation, and live our lives guided, loved and supported by this immense power within us.
Over the years, I have learnt to connect with, and harness the power of my intuition more and more, to the point where it now feels like second nature. But along the way, my intuition taught me some invaluable lessons, in loving ways, through some life-changing moments.
Here are five things I learnt about following my intuition and going beyond my fears:
1. Don’t be afraid to show yourself, even if you think it makes you weak.
It was 2015 and I was returning to work after a career break. Or at least, I was trying to. I had spent the last year and a half travelling, buying, decorating and settling into a new home, enjoying the summer in some of my favourite places, and trying my hand at various small, independent projects. I enjoyed that period thoroughly, but I was itching again to do more, and I knew that working with larger organisations was where my heart (and my experience) was at. But try as might, I just couldn’t land a job. I got invited to interviews, I got through to second interviews with great companies…but I just couldn’t get a job. At that point, I had started to learn to tap into my intuition. And one Friday evening late in August, it told me post on LinkedIn that I was available for work. Sounds easy enough, but I was terrified. My professional network knew me a as a successful, able woman. To post that I was looking for work showed me up as a failure. And who would want to hire a failure? Or so I thought and feared.
Nonetheless, I did it. I found the courage to change my LinkedIn status to say that I was available for work from September.
About thirty minutes later, a friend that I was meeting over the weekend got in touch and said he had seen my status. He knew that someone he had previously worked with was looking for a project lead – would I be interested in sharing my CV? “Yes, please!!” was my answer! I sent him my CV, and he forwarded it on to the hiring manager. But I didn’t hear back. Monday came and went. Nothing. The doubts set in. But I held tight. And sure enough, I received a call on Tuesday, which ended up being a spontaneous phone interview. The hiring manager asked if I would come in for an in-person interview the following day. I did. And chose to be fully and vulnerably myself in that interview. By the end of that Wednesday, I was offered a role. One week later, I started in the role.
Interestingly enough, the hiring manager said to me, “You’re exactly the sort of person we need, not just because of your experience, but because of who you are.” I had never before appreciated the power and impact of showing who I really was, behind the smart, successful, savvy professional. But there I was, hired within a week, for who I really was.
It ended up being one the favourite roles of my career, with a great manager and team that I am still in touch with today, and opened up avenues that I couldn’t even have imagined at the time.
2. Don’t be afraid to walk away, even when things are great.
Fast forward a few years, and I had moved to other projects and roles with the same organisation. I loved it. I really enjoyed the work that I did, I worked with some wonderful leaders and colleagues, and I was well appreciated and rewarded. But that voice of intuition was telling me that I had to go away for a few months – there was a conference I wanted to attend in Colombia, a training I wanted to join in LA, some travel that called me to Africa, and a long-desired month-long Eurorail trip that I wanted to take with my family. All in all, I would be travelling for a few months! I would have to leave.
It wasn’t the ‘sensible’ decision to make. Why would I give it all up? What if I never found another role again? Why would I leave such a great team and organisation? But by then, I had learnt to follow my intuition, faithfully, despite the fears. I still remember what my manager said when I told him, “I don’t want you to leave; but you’re doing the right thing. Great things happen when we are willing to take risks.”
And great things happened. I met the man who was to become my husband during that trip. The idea for A Life Without Fear came to me in California whilst out on a boat with a friend who inspired me. I gave my first workshop at that conference in Colombia. I faced my fear of fish for the first time in Mozambique. And my family’s European trip still continues to give us so much joy, inspiration and shared memories.
And the added magic sprinkles on top?: On the train back to London on the last day of our trip, I got a message asking if I would be interested in a new role in a great company…
3. Don’t be afraid to go for it, even if it is not perfectly as you want.
When my fiancé and I were planning our wedding, back in 2019, we knew we wanted to have a big ‘Bollywood’ wedding in India, a church blessing in the UK and perhaps a small family gathering in Germany. But the question was: where and when did we want to have our marriage legally registered? We narrowed it down to our local council office in the UK as our natural ‘where’. But for sentimental reasons, we wanted to have our legal marriage after our wedding in India united us ‘spiritually’ as husband and wife. So were looking at dates in the second half of 2020.
But there was ‘voice in my head’ – that same voice I now knew well - that kept saying: “Get married in Feb. Get married in Feb before you travel to India for the wedding.”
I justified this instruction by citing all the ways that it would benefit us. But truly, I knew that Feb it must be. And so we went down to the Registrar’s office to give our notice to marry. As ‘luck’ would have it, we were just in time and there was an appointment available for the weekend when my fiancé’s mother would be visiting us in four weeks’ time. And so we set the date, and shared it with our families.
Of course, with my husband’s family in Germany and mine in India, we didn't want to burden them with our last-minute arrangements, and we didn’t really expect them to make the trip at such short notice (just to “go down to the council office and sign some papers”, as I thought about it at the time!).
Especially since we were all going to India in March/April for our ‘real’ wedding soon anyway! In any case, my parents didn’t have their passports with them at the time, as they had sent them for renewal. And my fiance’s family already had prior engagements that weekend. It was not ideal, and we debated if we wanted to proceed in Feb or delay to a later date, but we decided to go ahead even though it wouldn’t be perfect without our families there.
But once we shared the date, our parents all insisted on being here with us, and somehow, it all worked out! My parents miraculously got their passports back two days before our marriage! My mother-in-law arrived in London the night before. My father-in-law flew in just for the day! And all six of us made our way to what ended up being a very beautiful, intimate and very emotional ceremony in a coming together of two families, cultures and hearts.
In hindsight, we couldn’t have asked for a better way for our parents to meet each other for the first time – in our London home, where they could all relax without being host or guest, and just share in the joy of their children being married! And it’s been the foundation for a beautiful friendship, love and connection between our families.
Looking back, ‘going to the local council office to sign a piece of paper’ has, of course, held far more significance than I was attributing to it at the time. Our decision to “get married in Feb” shaped our experience of this past year in lockdown. Instead of the despair and frustration I imagine we would have felt if we were still waiting to be married, we were able to enjoy many moments of true intimacy together as newlyweds, a gift I will forever be grateful for in this strange past year.
4. Don’t be afraid to wait, even if feels like ‘doing nothing’.
I was meant to travel to India in March last year for our April wedding in Delhi. But, strange as it sounds, something kept holding me back from booking my tickets. Rational person as I am, I once again ‘justified this wisdom’ by telling myself that I was just really tired with all that I had been working on, and I could just take a few days off to rest here in London, and book my flight at short notice when I was ready to go. But that didn’t stop me from judging myself as being indecisive, lazy or wasteful.
Nonetheless, I held off from booking my ticket. I had planned to fly out at the beginning of March. The voice inside kept saying to wait until mid-March. Around the 10th of March borders started to close….and by the 15th we already knew that there would be no international travel or wedding in India in the following months.
Had I flown out on the 1st of March as planned, I would have arrived in Delhi to a cancelled wedding, with my groom and guests unable to travel. And it’s quite likely that I would have had to spend months apart, in different countries, from my new husband. As it turns out, I was saved the hassle of worrying about last minute flight changes or refunds. And contrary to our plans, the first few months of our marriage ended up being a cosy time just for us, with plenty of space to build foundations with each other in our new chapter.
What made me hold back? Why didn’t I just book the ticket to my own wedding? I can’t explain it, other than to say that something in me ‘knew’. And I can only say in hindsight that I am glad I chose to live by the truth of that voice.
5. Don’t be afraid to grow, even if you think you’re not ready.
Everything of note that I have done in my life, I have done without feeling fully ready for it! Not least of all choosing to hire someone who came to my attention quite by coincidence, in a year when I took time off to prioritise family, shifted career paths, witnessed the pandemic change the learning and development and live events industry, and was making less money than I was used to!
But that ever-powerful intuition guided me, and I hired my first full-time employee! Needless to say, despite my worries, fears and concerns. It has led to growth that I hadn’t imagined. Not just for the business, but - perhaps even more poignantly - in myself. And some wonderful things have been set in motion as a result.
When I look back at these life lessons, there’s a part of my mind that still wants to know: “But how do I know when to apply which lesson?” And then there’s another part of me that smiles and says, “You will know, I will guide you. Just follow your intuition and the magic will unfold again.”
I cannot begin to list all of the ways in which my intuition influences me daily, sometimes when I ask it to guide me (I have a number of go-to intuitive processes that I go through on a daily, weekly or ad-hoc basis), and sometimes because it knows that I am listening (I have trained myself in picking up on the different ways in which it ‘speaks’ to me). It has led me to where I am, and knowingly or unknowingly, to the successes I have created in my life.
But perhaps my biggest success of all is that I have finally stopped doubting that I have the power of intuition within me, I have the ability to access it, and I have the courage to follow its guidance and shape my own life. Living by my intuition has been a liberating journey of living by inner knowing, whilst embracing the vulnerability that I don’t have all the answers to, learning to trust that it’ll come to me, and nurturing a curiosity to explore how the next adventures, solutions and magic will unfold.